I feel as though I have been saying goodbye forever.  I have been “leaving” since January, at least that’s when I decided to go for it, pick up and start something new.

Here’s the funny thing.  Moving is not new to me.  I have moved many times.  In fact, so much that I have lived in four different states and one other country, temporarily.  I’ve always considered myself a bit of a nomad.  Wanting to travel, work, play and meet new people.  It was easier when I was younger.  I was more  easily mobile.  This time it’s been a longer transition, more time to say goodbye, tie up lose ends, finish sentences.  I have to admit, it’s been a harder move.  I will miss friends, students, colleagues and even the guy at 7-11 who thinks it’s funny that I fill my coffee halfway with water.

In any event I have ended up in the South Bay for the past 10 years now.  Funny, I moved here for one job and another job is what kept me here.  The other job I did not like at all and this “job” I’ve loved.  So much that it kept me here this long, by choice.  That’s saying something.  I have to say it has been the people I have met.  In this little bubble of beach town, Los Angeles I have been honored to meet people as yoga students, have them become my friends, continue as students, and stay friends.  That hardest part of me leaving is leaving these people.  The best part of leaving and going somewhere great is people want to visit.  It doesn’t make it so hard.  I’ll be seeing them again, but this time in Hawaii, or some other exotic location.

My memories of here are many and great.  Beautiful people, amazing teachers, the faces, the smiles, the post yoga class hugs, the post yoga class grub, and again,the people.

A hui ho, malama pono~ (Till we meet again) ~ Athena

Vistamar High School

This past week I said goodbye.  The end of the school year has come and now I let go.  Saying goodbye to a place I have been blessed to be a yoga teacher for the past six years.  The halls of Vistamar High School.  I began teaching there when the school first opened in September 2005 and it has the unique curriculum of having Yoga as a P.E. option.  Thinking back to when I found out I got the job I remember checking my email inbox while traveling in Peru.  It was the one day I had to check email and there it was…the one that would change the course of my teaching forever.  “We would love to have you join us for the Fall trimester 2005″.  I can still remember how I felt in that moment.  Joy, elation and fear!  Holy cow, what now?!

Well “what now” has turned into the most beautiful journey one could ever imagine.  It began with very early mornings of yoga with the students and some of the staff (the school only had 60 students the first year), and then we got wise and moved it to the afternoons, after their school day.  Tired students and teachers are hard to motivate at 7:30am.  Now the school has over 200 students and even more faculty sharing their divine inspiration.

Throughout the past 6 years I have been blessed with meeting some of the most talented, smart and beautiful students in our Yoga classes.  Each and every teenager I have had the honor of getting to know has been a part of the experience.  This experience in teaching, in sharing, in giving out and in giving back.  How lucky have I been?  I was able to tailor this program of Yoga for Teens to educate them in some much more than just the physical practice of yoga.  They have learned about anatomy, body psychology, yamas and niyamas, mantras and mudras, chanting and their favorite, Kundalini!  This has been pure joy all around.  I say good bye as I let go and move on.  Move on to the next phase of my yoga journey.  As I make the transition to Hawaii by paying it forward and giving another teacher the opportunity to teach and learn from the MOST amazing group of people under the age of 18.

For our last class we sat in a circle as they shared their most memorable yoga experience through the years.  Some of the things shared… ” I learned that I was of the internally rotated tribe” and “the Led Zeppelin class was my favorite”( Chloe~musician).  ” I liked when we did arm massages (wrist actually) and when we talked about Justin Beiber” (Laura~freshman), “this is my impression of you” (Jack messes up his hair so it looks like mine!), “I like when we did talking yoga”~sometimes they just needed to share (Alicia and Brionna), “I liked it when we did the inversions, it was scary but fun!” (Briana), “I’ve really enjoyed this class and I think I’m going to sign up for yoga in college”~ my favorite!!! (Michael).  With a final group hug and a sappy Yoga teacher trying to keep my composure it is done…but never forgotten.

It has been my baby.  Now its all grown up.
Can I get a Namaste….whoaaaaa Yoga!

Spring.  A time of renewal, a time to get clean and even a time to get dirty.  I mean deep down, rooted in the earth dirty.  This spring begins the transition of my time of transition.  This spring signals uprooting, upheaval, and feeling like I’m floating up in the air.  My mind is many places at one time.  Some call it multi-tasking and others call it chaos.  I haven’t quite decided yet which it is and maybe that’s best…for now.

In Patanjalis Yoga Sutras, Chitta Vritta Nirodha: (Yoga is the cessation of mental activity) it reads that when we let go of the “mind stuff” we are able to find peace, serenity, quiet through discipline and practice.  Through meditation practice, asana practice and pranayama we are able to find place of peace.  Although the peaceful place doesn’t always look like what you think it will.  Maybe because it feels like an unattainable goal I feel myself struggling with the consistency of my discipline part of practice.  I find that my mind wanders with what I could be doing different, what I should be doing to make things better, and the reality of what I can control and what I cannot.  How come I don’t feel like the Buddha sitting under the Bodhi Tree?

I have found that coming back to nature is what grounds me.  When I woke up this morning I found this nagging feeling of being unsettled creeping into my mind.  I went to the only place I know that fills me up when I feel like this.  I went down to the beach.  I took off my tennis shoes and walked in the soft sand.  Feeling my toes dig in the sand and the ball of my foot push in to create a little dip in the sand felt good.  I stopped randomly, sat down, watched the waves, breathed in the salty air, got back up and felt whole again, grounded.

Maybe this is my discipline practice, my meditation, my asana, my pranayama practice right now.  This is my yoga.  I hope you are able to find yours.

The last two weeks have been pretty full with getting back into my rhythm of teaching and doing the Cloud Nine Yoga Teacher Training,  and having a social life of some kind.  Back to back parties for friends, prepping for lectures, working on the website for Ixchel Hawai’i, as well as packing up my life.  I am preparing to move a few times before the big move back to the Islands.  No easy task as it’s interesting trying to figure out what to pack and what to leave accessible for daily functioning.  I have been a bit overwhelmed and ungrounded going through everything.  I’ve never thought of myself as a “stuff” collector but apparently I am.  I have been holding onto “stuff” from every move I have ever had.  I just bring it with me as I collect more and more stuff.  So now I have the opportunity to let it go and I’m finding it an incredible cleansing process.  Purging, detoxing, letting go of the “stuff” has never been so easy.

It also been an amazing lesson for me in appreciating where I have been in this life so far.  As I finally throw away all of the copies of old pictures, postcards and letters that I have saved for nostalgia I realize how beautiful this journey has been so far.  Each old bank statement and paycheck stub that goes into the shredder helps me feel lighter.  I let go a little bit more.  Memories of people that have touched me along the way make me smile and I let go a little bit more.  One of the most amazing things about emptying and letting go is that now we have room for new memories, new adventures, this new life to be created.  In the Eight Limbed Path of Yoga it is called aparigraha or not grasping.

Letting go happens~

The saying goes  “you never know unless you take a chance”.  Well sometimes taking a chance can be scary as hell.  The last four months have been a crazy time with huge decisions being made.  I have decided to take a chance a go for it!  Taking a chance on trusting that I am willing and fully capable of making the transition from being a full time yoga teacher to a retreat center director.  The last few months have presented me with opportunities that I have been dreaming of over the last few years.  Last year my good friend Jeanne asked me to write down on paper what I want…like the “if you could have anything in the world what would it be?” kind of want.  What I have been craving has been to be a part of a retreat center.  Living, organizing, creating, hosting and helping others see their dreams come to fruition as well.

This next step requires a huge leap of faith, taking a chance.  Really what’s the worst that could happen?  What’s the best that could happen?  I have many answers for both and all arrows still point toward taking that chance.  So now I make the announcement.

I am moving to the Big Island of Hawaii to be a part of Ixchel Holistic Retreat Center.  In the early stages we are finishing the website and getting prepared for hosting and organizing retreats and workshops.  It is happening as we speak and at the end of this year I will be moving there to see this chance become a reality.  So for now I will continue to embrace the unknown and see how it unfolds.

With grace I move into the next faze of Yogic life.  Here we go!

We are in our fifth week of our 200 hour Teacher Training.  As I have mentioned before I am a Teacher Trainer for Cloud Nine Yoga School in Redondo Beach.  Already in full swing we have been meeting Tuesday eves for our lectures and Saturdays for our Asana Intensives.  All of a sudden my life is full…in a good way.  There are 8 new people in my life full time until April and I’m sure beyond.  All of a sudden there are reasons for me to be a yoga student more than ever before.  All of a sudden I am aware that the actions I take affect those around me, whether positive or negative.  All of a sudden I feel overwhelmed…in a good way.

I have been a teacher trainer now for almost four years.  What a gift I have been given to be a teacher’s teacher.  What a joy it has been to see the impact implementing yoga into your life full time has a on a person.  Each time I do these trainings I remember back to my time in the teacher training.  I remember when I came to the realization that this is what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life.  I will be a student of yoga always as I will never know everything having to do with yoga.  There is so much to learn, to process, to experience.  Books on yoga, styles of yoga, school of yoga.  Wow!  Still so much to learn.  how can I not continue to be a student?

My advice to those taking on the task of becoming a teacher (yoga or school) please stay “beginner’s mind”.
Namaste’

Some days are harder than others.  This week I have taken only two classes.  I say only two because I am comparing myself with myself.  Last week I took three classes.  The week before that I took four classes.  You see where this is going.  Basically I am getting back into my schedule of working, meaning teaching, a lot more.  The holidays are over as well as all the time off that I had.  I am now once again a full time yoga teacher.  I am in the midst of another Teacher Training for Cloud Nine Yoga School and my life has become very full with these amazing new students excited to become teachers.   My personal practice tends to go by the wayside when I become full in my life commitments.  I know that I am not alone in this.  The funny thing about when we are this busy and full we need to more than ever take some time out for ourselves.  We need YOGA.  Yoga keeps up grounded and present in our day to day tasks.  Yoga IS the glue.  It really is the marrying together of the mind stuff, the physical body and the spiritual self.

I find what happens when I do find myself in class I tend to compare this version of who I am right now with who I was before.  The before being a person that was able to do all the “show me” poses with ease.  A person that has strength and flexibility and would go into the deepest or hardest variation of the posture.  I find nowadays I am just happy to make it to a class.  Child’s pose sure feels nice, I also like pigeon and savasana.  These days my physical body just wants to rest, I want to ease, I want to sleep…a lot.  So I am doing this with the knowledge that this will soon change.  I do continue to go to class because also realize that it is easy to become stagnant and lazy.  We all need a little persuasion, tapas (a push now and then), from a teacher that inspires us.  So even though I know I cannot do every pose as I could before I am still reaping the benefits of being present  and listening to my inner voice.  Let go…let it be what it is.  This is a divine dance.

As my teacher Jerome said in Monday’s class: “The goal of the pose is…there is no goal”

Two weeks into the new year and I am already tired.  I feel as though I have been going nonstop since January began.  It’s only the 16th.  Is it possible that I have spread myself so thin that my “resolution” of honoring my truth has taken a place on the back burner?  My new years resolutions for this have been, but not limited to…taking more time out for myself, cultivating a new business, spending more time with friends and family, making sure I’m financially stable, having a social life, more yoga, more reading, more meditation, more, more, more.  Hmmm.  Two weeks and I’m already toast.  That’s a lot to live up to for 2 weeks into 2011.  No wonder I am beat.

Sometimes the expectations we place on ourselves are so ridiculous it’s necessary to gives ourselves a time out.  A real time out.  One that not only involves getting quiet but one that involves unplugging.  We have become so plugged in to technology.  I myself just purchased a new computer (my other one was 6 years old and apparently “vintage”) and am fascinated by how much easier it is to even navigating a computer.  I’m in love with a computer…an no it’s not a mac.  To my new computer’s credit I am now able to access material, files, pictures, skype much easier that before.  No I just need to be ok with walking away from it.

Part of my daily routine, my down time, is walking.  I walk about 3-4 miles every day.  It keeps me sane and I also know that during that time there are no interruptions.  I just walk.  I look at the ocean and the waves crashing to shore.  I smile at people as they pass me soaking up those ions that the ocean apparently gives off helping us all come back to reality.  This morning on my walk my brain was on overdrive putting in order all the things I needed to do today and I looked down.  Something was moving slowly across the bike path.  I looked a little closer and saw that brown and black inchworm was slowly making its way across the long path from the sand to the ice plant.  I stopped walking and just watched this worm noticing the speed in which it was moving.  It was slowly just inching across with one purpose…to make it to the other side.  It was almost a meditation of sorts while I reflected on the speed in which I move through life.  Like the inchworm always moving toward something or someone, but unlike the inchworm who performs these tasks at a slower rate.  If I was to move and observe all along my journey I would be able to be present while the rest of the world continued moving at its usual pace.  What would happen if we all stayed present while in each task?  What would happen if we unplugged for a day?  What would you do?

So being a yoga teacher sometimes I find it difficult to fit a yoga class into my schedule.  Most of the times I teach are when all the other classes are going on as well.  And when I do have the time I am just plain tired.  You see making a living as a yoga teacher usually means you have to teach…a lot.  Unless maybe you are moonlighting as a yoga teacher when you are not working at your “real job”. For the last 8 months I have been moonlighting as a waitress during the times that I am not teaching which means all early morning shifts.  It’s been interesting going back to the industry as I left it right I began my full time yoga journey.  It has humbled me as well as helped me with my fluency in Spanish.  “Si Facil”

It has been 8 years now that I have been “making a living” as a yoga teacher.  When I decided to teach full time which to the rest of the world seems part time.  When I first started teaching I was teaching about 25 classes a week, driving all over Los Angeles and literally eating, drinking and living all things yoga.  At that time finding time to take a class was next to impossible.  If I could take a class 2 times a week I was lucky.  So I began to cultivate a home practice.  Granted I could not fit in a 1.5 hour class but even a half hour was enough sometimes.  Just to come back.  Just to remember why it is I loved yoga so much and decided to become a teacher.  Taking a half an hour for myself is the best gift ever.

Now it’s 8 years later and I am teaching about 13 classes a week, hosting yoga retreats and facilitating Yoga teacher training programs and I am now “making a living” as a yoga teacher.  Yes I am teaching less, which is good for me as well as the attending students that take my classes.  I am able to fit quite a few classes in my schedule but just like any other class…I write it in my planner.  Also it helps living in Santa Monica as there are a plethora of classes to take at anytime of day.  I notice too that at the midday classes you will see many other yoga teachers.  Thank god for the teachers that teach in the middle of the day so the rest of us can make it!

What did you want to be?  When we were young it seemed pretty easy.  You had a list to choose from like a teacher, doctor, lawyer, scientist, a homemaker, an office job…then everything changed.  The hipsters started playing around with new and modern technology.  Then this technology started to catch up with us and new careers were being created.  All of a sudden roles were being redefined.  Women and men began to reverse roles.  Many men stayed home with the children as the women went out and found their voice out there in the workplace.

So as a teenager the options opened up and the world got a little bigger and there were many more options available.  In high school picking a major for college was not so clear cut.  Even the prospect of going to college was began to shift.  Why go to school right away when there’s this whole world out there to explore and to experience.  Eventually I did go to college and am actually using my major (the 4th  one chosen).  At age 13 I took a journey to Japan and it forever opened my eyes to new ideas and cultures showing me that maybe our “American way” of doing things isn’t the only way.  Thus began the addiction of traveling, anywhere and everywhere.  It is my priority and will always be my priority.  As a woman in my late teens I dreamed and saved for these travels and experiences.  Just a a teenage girl dreams of marriage and kids and a home with a white picket fence, I dreamed of places I have yet to explore.

As an adult reflecting back on the path my life has taken.  The journey has been one I could never have predicted.  I am a woman in her 40’s who still desires travel, still lives for the next experience.  I have had fleeting dreams of the “normal” life that I heard about as a child but those are just moments…and they pass.  I know that for me I must follow that which creates happiness and peace in my heart and cultivates and honors the highest version of myself.

I never dreamed of being a full time yoga teacher, but I am.  Lucky me.